Summer Love...

Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone.

I am a thread too slender, To suspend all this reality...

i still remember the very first day he walked into the class, into my life...
the tall, handsome guy... the tousled hair, the sheepish grin... the swift distinguished stride... yes, that was mithun...! my 'mithu' as i used call him, my best friend...
our friendship was something out of the world... something so special... something that i treasure even now....
the way we used to mouth things to each other during class... the way we used to rush outta the class during breaks so that we could talk... oh yes,we could talk!, forever and ever, about anything and everything that caught our attention... and when we talked it was as if no one else existed... that was me and mithu... but then words weren't necessary for us to speak... that was the kinda bond that we shared!
we used to be together all the time, classrooms, PET, library, labs, the walk home... it was always us! me and him... always... that's the way it was...
his occasional and unexpected visits home, something that i anxiously waited for... inspite of the fact that we were together almost all the time!
till date, i haven't shared a bond so special with anyone, like i did with him... and i can't help but admit that i miss him...
sometime, somewhere i screwed up... and he screwed up even more... and we both don't know what went wrong... the bond weakened... we drifted apart... and that was the end of a beautiful relationship... something so special... something outta the world...
and i still wish... if only, if only i could go back in time... maybe i could have set things right...

Love is vengeance....

she's back in her senses.... realizes that she was being dumb!
she's figured out a way to deal with the pain... was it pain at all?!
she looks back at things... and is able to laugh at the past...
she realizes that he isn't worth it... he never was and never will be....
she does hate it even now.... she hates him.... but then she definitely doesn't herself... not anymore!
she has moved on....
the memories are buried... somewhere deep down... and maybe it hurts a little at times...
she still has vestiges of the her love for him... the love he failed to understand....
duh.... her love is vengeance!

Life... is like a box of chocolates - a cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that no one ever asks for, unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Sure, once is a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper.

What do you live for when all you were living for is gone?

she feels as if her world is shattered...
she wants to cry out loud... the pain is too much for her to bear...
she is trying to let go... but she just can't... she feels too attached!
she is confused... she doesn't know what to do...
she wants to kill the other girl, but then what if he actually loves that female? she would rather die than doing anything that hurts him...
she feels as if she's alone... 'cause without him, the world has always been kinda empty for her...
she is bleeding inside... but then, she likes the pain... 'cause she'll bear pain to any extent, for him... only him..
she realizes she is weak... and vulnerable... she thought he would be there... to protect her, take care of her...
she wonders, 'was i being used?'.. she shudders at the very thought... she is mad at herself, she was having evil thoughts about her angel! and that was bad of her....!
she despises life, curses the day they met...
oh, how she can remember... that sunny day, by the roadside... she hated his wicked smile that day... alas! she couldn't help, but falling for it...
she feels like an idiot... cause she fell for hm in spite of knowing everything about him...
she hates life, she hates him, she hates herself more....
she can almost smell his perfume, as she sat thinking about him.. she knows she is being dumb... she feels tears welling up in her eyes...
she never knew... she never knew until that moment, how bad it could hurt to lose something she never really had...
Where he used to be, there is a hole in the world, which she finds herself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. She misses him like crazy...!

That was rough.... Thing to do now is try and forget it.... I guess I don't quite mean that. It's not a thing you can forget. Maybe not even a thing you want to forget.... Life's like that sometimes... Now and then for no good reason a man can figure out, life will just haul off and knock him flat, slam him agin' the ground so hard it seems like all his insides is busted. But it's not all like that. A lot of it's mighty fine, and you can't afford to waste the good part frettin' about the bad. That makes it all bad.... Sure, I know - sayin' it's one thing and feelin' it's another. But I'll tell you a trick that's sometimes a big help. When you start lookin' around for something good to take the place of the bad, as a general rule you can find it.

Let your tears come... Let them water your soul...

she misses him... all of a sudden... all those make-over of mind, moving on and what not, seems meaningless now... she still cares... and at times she misses him terribly!
everyday morning, she anxiously checks her inbox, expecting a message(?!) and watches out all the time, maybe a missed call...?!
she wonders... is she bad enough to repell him like this? or is it 'cause he found something new, something more interesting? or maybe he's just irritated with her and is takin time off to cool off?!
but something tells her that he isn't gonna come back... and evertime she thinks of that, somewhere, deep down inside her heart, something pains... terribly!
she hates this... she hates him and she she hates herself more... every passing second seems like a lifetime...
she regrets... she regrets irritating him, she regrets picking the fight, she regrets irritaing him even more... she regrets not apologsing properly, eventhough it wasn't entirely her mistake. but then, for him, she's ready to take the pain, ready to bear the burden... anything for him- thats her...
will he ever understand? the depth of her love? the pain his silence is causing?
she is lost in thoughts... why him? inspite of knowing everyhting? she wonders, why hope that he would ccome back, someday, oneday....
she cries silently... she can't bear the pain anymore... but again, she'll take all the blame... thats how she is...
'cause he means the world to her...

the reunion...

first of all... thank you god, for giving me the coolest mom ever..!
i really don't know what went wrong, but i was actually feeling kinda reluctant to go! yeah, i know.... its so bloody dumb...! after all, its just my pals i was i gonna meet... but then my mom, too familiar with my inconsistency, literally dragged me there... :P once i enetered... things felt more comfortable..
there was gopu, who actually took a good 60 seconds to recognize me... ( can't blame him, and all others who didn't recognize me... i put on weight, my haistyle is entirely different and people say somehow my face has changed too...!) then there was sreekumar... my heart skipped a beat on seeing him... (what the hell had happened to his sense of fashion?! ) and then, my very own girls.. my darling inz, sangee, sarie, neetz, pooh, remz and all of them, lookin as gorgeous as ever! oh yeah, remz was with her sweetheart( glad they're still together:) ). suraj, the bugger... kept pestering me as usual... and the weirdest thing happened- we didn't fight at all, not even once! and the guys- sachin, irshan, kapil, kaka, anand, mithun, hari, aravind, shiv, aji, sibi, sudeep(s) (both of 'em), sojan and all the others... jesus! i miss those old days!

LOVE!!

that's one word i could never understand... for me, its like one of the most complicated words ever! those four characters, one small word, with such a vast meaning... that very thing everyone craves for..! you find it when its least expected and when you are anxiously waiting for it, unfortunately , you can never get it!! that's love, people...
its something you can give abundantly to someone and still get nothing return.. happens the other way around too... someone gives you so much love that you feel as if you ought to return it, but then sadly, you can never get yourself to do it... no matter how hard you try! that's love, that's life!
love?! still an unsolved mystery to me...
searching... waiting... for the answer...

la vida es una buena adventura.... part 1

life can make you go insane at times... and its one of those times for me right now... its one of those times when you really wish you weren't alive...
but then, I've made up my mind... I'm not gonna waste even a second fussing over the past. i am gonna give thing a rest and just face things as it comes... no more of racking my head over really dumb things and getting upset over single thing my angel boy tells me when he's pissed...
its high time i gave things a rest and moved on with life... life isn't just about guys or relationships... its all about what you make of it...
i consider myself to be a very lucky person... I've some really good friends who have always stood by me in everything i do... loveya guys...
and gabloo... I'm my sane self right now just because of that one person... she's one of the best things in my life ever...
and you, who keeps screwing around with my life, i don't fucking care... not anymore...

its for you, you s.o.b., the one guy i love!!!

ohk... this ain't easy for me... not a bit!
you are the base of all my thoughts, the reason i always feel like I'm chained! why the hell can't you just understand the hang of things?! you know i love you, you know I'm crazy about you and you know that my world revolves around you....
ah what the fuck!!! that's bullshit...
you know what, you're an asshole... screwing around with my life !
well, I'm deviating from the topic... never love a guy! they are all assholes... they know you love 'em, and keep on pretending like they don't know... we know better- they ain't that dumb! at times they care for you so much, pamper you like a baby, make you feel so special, that you feel like you are the luckiest girl alive and the very next day, hey make you cry( i mean crying, not moaning ;) )
why the fuck do you have to pretend like you're a saint or something, eh?? can't you just spit your feelings instead of keep me hanging on a thread that's gonna break any minute?!
tell you what, i hate you....
and i so bloody wish that those words were true....

interpretations, interrogations, heartbreaks...

no one knows your guy better than yourself... and the worst mistake you can make- taking into consideration third party comments on what your guy says! like when the guy whom you have a crush on says"somethings are to be understood, not told...' he might have meant something totally different from what your best friend thinks!!' and you, all high hopes comes to know later that he actually suggested a reality check... and tell you what, it can break your heart ( not in all cases though!) the best way to figure out all the bullshit these totally fucked up guys tell you is to tell them to just shut the fuck up and be clear about what he has to say...
these guys are all assholes... well, at least most of them!

donation disaster...!

there was this blood donation camp at college... and i, along with friends anxious to do some social service went... after filling up all the forms and around half an hour's wait, my turn came for the blood test.... and lo... "you're underweight, ma..." said the doctor...:(